FOR THOSE WHO FEEL THE CHURCH HAS HURT AND/OR FAILED THEM...

Many times, pastors get asked, "Whatever happened to (so-and-so.)" Similarly, pastors get told, "Well, (so-and-so) used to attend this church, but then (another so-and-so) really hurt them so they left for another church or just left church all together." Sometimes, we get told, "Well, you (the pastor) did ____________; because of that, we're leaving this church."

Honestly, when someone feels as though the people of the church have failed them, my first inclination is thinking, "Yeah, I'm sure that (the pastor, another member, etc.) has said or done something to fail you." My second inclination is, "Yeah, we probably did something that you found hurtful (not intentionally) but if we cannot find it within our hearts to practice grace and forgiveness to one another, then, quite frankly, maybe there are some unrealistic expectations at work here, especially in the light of the gospel of Christ Jesus our Lord."

This came to mind earlier this week as my friend Juan posted the following quote on Facebook:

"This community will disappoint them. It's a matter of when, not if. We will let them down or I'll say something stupid and hurt their feelings. I then invite them on this side of their inevitable disappointment to decide if they'll stick around after it happens. If they choose to leave when we don't meet their expectations, they won't get to see how the grace of God can come in and fill the holes left by our community's failure, and that's just too beautiful and too real to miss." - Nadia Bolz-Weber in Pastrix

Bam!

In any church that has been around as long as North Cross, (and we haven't been around that long at all) chances are 100% that someone (pastors, members) has said or done something that has hurt us. Lord knows, as one of your pastors, I have been far from perfect (and that's hard to say for a perfectionist) in how I have done various aspects of my job. Lord knows that decisions have been made that, in hindsight, most definitely should have been handled better.

My response is usually a deep sigh of frustration and lament. No one that I know has gone into pastoral ministry with the intention of hurting people intentionally or unintentionally. (In fact, I think many would be surprised at how much we think of, pray for, and worry about every person even remotely connected to the church.) Internally, I must say when this - pain and disappointment as a result of something that someone (including me) has done - happens part of me is not surprised or shocked.

When I say that I'm not surprised or shocked, it's meant not in a dismissive way but in a, "Yeah, a mistake was made. Wrong words, actions, and attitudes may have been used in a way that caused you to become very angry, very frustrated, very wounded." I mean it because there's not a one of us writing or reading this message that hasn't made grave, traumatic errors that have hurt people whom we love.

The reason Nadia's quote resonated with me so much is that she is dead-on accurate. Instead of being people who realize that in any long-term relationship (which being a part of any church is) not everything will be handled perfectly, we decide to cut-and-run (emotionally if not physically) rather than acknowledging our pain and allowing Christ to do healing work within us individually and as a community.

Are we ready to be healed? Are we ready to forgive? Are we ready to be forgiven? Are we ready to embody reconciliation and redemption?

Or are we going to be people who limit the ability of God to heal and unite us not because of what we have done or not done to each other but because of the grace found in the broken body and spilled blood of a savior nailed to the cross 2,000 years ago?

You've been warned, my friends. Being a part of this or any church for any length of time means that at some point someone or something will hurt you. For that, I am truly sorry. However, while we acknowledge our human imperfection, let us further acknowledge that we worship a God of grace, redemption, and reconciliation.

If God forgives us for the ways that we have hurt him, who are we to say that there are people that we cannot forgive?

Easy? No. Essential? Like it or not, Yes. 

And that, my friends, is part of why we are here. How can we tell the world about the forgiveness we experience through the grace of God embodied in Christ if we cannot or will not engage in the business of forgiving and being reconciled to each other?

Easy? No. Essential? Like it or not, Yes.

Grace and Peace, Lamar